As you all know, I am homeschooled. The most frequent question I've gotten since then was "Are you bullied?" from parents to associates and people who are just curious in general.
I've always said I wasn't because at the time, I don't know why, but bullying to me only meant physically. Not until recently have I realized it wasn't just that but it can be mentally too. And I was. Bullied mentally.
I've lately wondered 'Why, why do we tolerate it?'. Why do we? Maybe not indirectly, no, I was not bullied directly but I was unintentionally and those kinds were the ones that usually hit me most as to why it was not directed so a lot of 'Why/s' has been going around my mind since. Haunts me.
People are clueless because we/I never spoke against what they were saying so they think it is okay. So they do it again and again and so on and so forth.
People are clueless because we/I never spoke against what they were saying so they think it is okay. So they do it again and again and so on and so forth.
We may not be tolerating it /indirectly & unintentionally/ but you know those kinds where somebody fat shames or slut shames another person and what slips off your tongue is 'oh, yeah haha.' when what's in your mind is that you should react against it. I am guilty for this yes but I am improving myself by staying silent instead. That is, when it hit me again, silence would never be the answer nor would it help solution the real question. Silence is worse. I've always wanted to stand against it, for myself and for everybody else, and for them to get the message that this is not okay.
I've lately encountered a new one. This person who I will rename 'turtle' (para masaya, and lungkot ng blogpost na to eh.), asked me again why I was home schooled. I told her the basics, couldn't catch up and that its better for me like this and all that. But she was pushing her limits to the point she made me say the real truth which is I get anxious, depressed and panics a lot. By this time I can feel my lower lip trembling but I've mastered to not let them see this side of me not until I heard turtle laugh and say 'That's not true. That's non existent.' how rude is that? But I had not, again, acted against it for I have respect for the elderly. (No kidding. I was ready to pop but chanted that in my head instead from keeping myself from blowing.) And just shrugged it off.
I don't know why whenever I try and swear myself to always, always, from now on, to act against it. But once I'm in the real situation I go back to zero. I have never been good about vocalizing my thoughts out so here I am writing them.
So I guess this blog is a lot of help, to voice out what I really want to say. That we should act against it. This is me going out of my comfort zone, actually speaking it out, instead of just keeping it in like I always do.
From this day on, blog (or readers), I swear to you, I will and would try to be brave to act against this because IT IS NOT OKAY. Would be hard, but I'll take it step by step.
Use your words like they are magic instead and not like they are weapons.
Would you act against it too?
Lovelots, K
